这段时间事情很多，心里上，现实的，国内的，美国的。很多事情我愿意去幻想，去希望自己的愿望能够成真，希望别人能够真的明白，也许结果，多半不是我想的那样。也许这样的付出，没有任何结局~ 不过，看着别人的幸福，也就是自己的幸福，很多要守住的，我真的不想放，这，难道也算错么。

 

我要学着去面对，面对很多悲哀的现实，我要在悲哀中继续努力，因为超越华尔街之上，依然有更大的空间和天地，都在等着我。

 

以前说过“从高中开始就给自己戴上枷锁”的话，现在想想，如果真的解开枷锁，自己会不知道该怎么办。愿意放弃一切陪着一个人么？会不会惹人烦呢？所以要面对，面对苦难的心情。面对孤独~~~

 

现在拥有的，已经是很多同龄人不能达到的了，其实一开始注定了，我要选择不一样的路。可以说我高中联赛没有比好，没有拿到金牌，可以说我跳级第一没有意义，过分功利，但是我还是会选择把握，把握未来，还有你~~~不知道命运会把我带到什么地方，但是我会一直用善良维护左右。

 

前段时间美国复活节，在曼哈顿照的一些照片，show下看看~~~

 

 

 

在57街附近的midtown 建筑前~

 

 

 

在Macy血拼时候~

 

很喜欢Declan Garbraith的the love of my life...伤，今天夜里在花旗27层auditorium落地窗边座了好久，只有我一个人，看曼哈顿的夜色，还可以想到远方发生的事~~~

 

看书去了，要考试了，今后要忙了~~~越来越忙...

 

加祺

3:40AM

 

I decided to move on, with huge pains inside of me......

 

I guess it's always fair as I got so much by sacrificing many others......if it's hard to know about something, probably the best thing to do is to turn around, or just skip it, simply put.

 

I keep questioning myself about whether I am a strong person or not...probably not at this point. I feel like my whole body is falling apart, every single piece of it, and furthermore, it's ironic to care about people who don't even know me personally...that's just as stupid as throwing a dice without even thinking about its trajectory. After all, that's me, another me.

 

There is no way to do something to feel better, but again it's still fortunate that my workstyle is so crazy that I don't have lots of time to feel desperate. This business is messy enough and we all know what happened to Bear Stearns today...that's crazy!!!!

 

God knows what is gonna happen to the street~~~again I can't do much about it......I can only follow the rules but try to learn as much as I can.

 

Future in my hand, and I am still here for you.

 

Lawrence Jin

 

又是一个很深很深的夜，凌晨4：19AM，我不知道为什么，还是在这里，其实什么也没有做，其实我明白为什么吧=)

 

想着前面的路，真的好头疼阿，生活，什么时候才能想我想象中的方向变得好一点呢？我知道这个问题没有答案，现在还没有。

 

以前学的很多东西，可能已经还给老师了吧，把糟粕剩下来给自己了。也许我多愁善感，也许命运本是如此安排。我在心里叠千纸鹤，一年一年，不会停下来的。

 

纽约和北京，half a world away...想起漂浮地铁了. 我宁愿在梦里，不要醒来。

 

我要自己更强，会更强，但是也许只是因为爱吧，那本不是一个谁强谁弱的游戏。

 

音乐停下来，你将离场，我也只能这样。

 

Lawrence

 

这两天生活完全被打乱了,感觉恍惚虚幻,也没有什么解药可寻.

 

是的,陈晓旭去了,真的去了.从20年前的经典黛玉,到之后的绝顶商人,再到今年2月的妙真法师,可谓是传奇无法复制.其实呢,外面光纤的外表,无法掩饰心中无限惆怅.每个追求完美亦内心无助挣扎的人都能体会,至少我能体会=P

 

性格孤僻又怎样,不合群又怎样呢?只因为她是误落尘世的一棵香草,很多事情便会落到花落人亡两不知的地步.很多时候,当你怀着一点点的希望,企求别人理解的时候,结果只能是伤心不断的委婉一笑,然后留下无限感概再无可寻.

 

下次有机会回中国,再到北京,再到潇湘馆,也许不需垂泪,因为每方空气土壤中,都是陈晓旭的影子,还有小时候我和妈妈去那里的记忆吧.

 

伊人已去,一路走好.因为定有一天再重逢.

 

- Lawrence

 

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花谢花飞飞满天 红消香断有谁怜 游丝软系飘春榭 落絮轻沾扑绣帘

 

试看春残花渐落 便是红颜老死时 一朝春尽红颜老 花落人亡两不知

2006年终于在disney的烟火中远去了，同样的downtown disney main plaza，不一样的人。周围还是年轻的帅哥美女，可是我却又在辛苦的一年中老去~~~

 

先是在New York Grand Haytt陪爸爸妈妈住了4天转NYC，times square旁shopping，Empire State Building上看夜景，又是回到LA去Palm Springs度假，去Joshua Tree National Park hiking，继续shopping，再到disney故地重游......似乎忙碌的旅行可以让人忘记痛楚。不过貌似我的麻木和冷淡给出了负面的回答，一切的忧伤和抑郁，在欢笑过后只会更加深刻。

 

纵然如此，我还是明白自己会怎样去努力，可能是习惯多于创造力，这样的trend会让我失去很多难得的机会。回头看看2006，太多的泪水和遗憾，在痛定思痛之后我毅然决然地向前走，回到原点，然后走向高峰。或许这样的起伏是我不再愿意看到的，但是在不够成熟却强行handle这些cases的情况下，偶然中的必然也是可以想见的吧^-^

 

希望新的2007，我能够保持善良，if there is a dream, just go for it, and don't care too much about what others think, coz there are always smarter people, who finally make a huge difference，让勇气给我力量，理想给我智慧，愿我和我的family，一起走向一个unbelievable的美好明天。

 

祈祷在苦难中suffering的人们，能够慢慢好起来，我会去做donation，我会去帮助需要帮助的人，对于犯过的错误，对于留恋的人，希望不再介怀，希望新的每一天，都带来不一样的精彩。

 

Jiaqi Jin

I feel unhappy, probably depressed and frustrated, but haven't figured out the specific reason yet, and that leads to the fact that I have no idea about how to deal with it~

 

I don't wanna go to sleep today, and I am playing with my laptop......one of my uncles will pick me up tomorrow and this Sunday I will go to aunt Bai's house. They are still taking care of me, seems that I have some invisible home like in Beijing~~~

 

Anyway, most of the time, I need to handle stuff all by myself, and for the reason that I share little experiences with others, it is relatively harder to understand people around, and vice versa, no hope to know someone of privity~~

 

To those who may concern, have a nice weekend~

 

- Lawrence

I feel confused, for many reasons. Need to take a deep breath, and hang out with friends.

 

I don't know the best expression to show this, but is there any possibility that I can just be around with you guys and ......feel happy when you smile but turn to be depressed when you are sad? I've no idea about how to get along with people, and how to make others like me......seems that I need to pay more attention to the surroundings. The world is noisy and messy, and there is no place to hide. Have to interact with others and get feedbacks all the time.

 

Anyway, things will work out fine...when you embrace me in the future^-^

 

- Lawrence

新的希望终于展现在眼前，写给脆弱，让它们随风飘走~

 

我真的是越来越傻了，为什么刚进清华的时候很多事情都能想清楚，到现在反而更加糊涂了呢？其实执著一点没什么不好，别人的意见并不能改变很多，如果我们在问别人的时候已经心里有了答案~

 

其实这几个月来，觉得自己经历了很多以前没有遇到的问题，慢慢的，我会变得更加懂事，但愿不会更加城府~

 

Good news，六月初要去Washingtong Seattle做报告，西雅图不眠之夜，之后可能会去Philadelphia舅舅那里，然后回国两周~估计那个时候清华的同学还在，Hi guys，我会去找你们玩，记得要请客哟，呵呵:)我还是要去10食堂上面吃酸菜排骨，还有去清清吃Pizza，都想了快一年了，好馋阿^-^

 

-Lawrence

Midnight, recall the back,wandering on the street of California,singing the song by myself.

 

I still remember......you are in my very soul, tormenting me ~ hope that will not become a scar.

 

Everything is gonna fade, including me~ dude, you are the rising sun, and the brilliance will become the most beautiful part in my whole life~

 

I cannot explain, but once again, Celine, you seem to be my old friend. Even if I am not so good at French, I can sense what you are singing, terrific, but also ironic, isn't it?~

 

Lyric is soft and sweet, and dude, hope you know what's the meaning of that:)

 

The world is far more complicated than I thought, and I will pray for you, even if I cannot be with you^-^

 

POUR QUE TU M'AIMES ENCORE (SO YOU CAN LOVE ME AGAIN)

 

J'ai compris tous les mots,    (I understood all the words)
J'ai bien compris, merci        (I understood very well, thank you)
Raisonnable et nouveau,      (Sensible and new)
C'est ainsi par ici                  (That's how it is around here)
Que les choses ont changé, (That things have changed)
Que les fleurs ont fané        (That flowers have died)
Que le temps d'avant,         (That the old days)
C'était le temps d'avant       (Were the old days)
Que si tout zappe et lasse,   (That if everything zaps and tires)
Les amours aussi passent      (The loves also go by)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

你太单纯，我只会站在一旁，看着你和你的幸福，笑着哭

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