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March 12 Wall Street Note to MyselfThis is a note to myself, and hopefully this can remind me whenever I feel tired of what I am doing.
Jiaqi,
I understand that you have been working at these crazy hours for a long long time, and you look forward to any kind of break you deserve. But, there is a 'but'. You got to know that you are part of the wall street factory now. This is wall street, and it's all about timing and competitions. There are the smartest people in this planet around you, and there are always people better than you for sure, BUT you got to beat them at some point, otherwise you'll be out of the loop.
Concentrating on what you are doing is the No.1 important thing. You have to be focused, and you have to know what type of skillsets you have or potentially have that can be better off than others. You can't let those emotional stuffs control you. Come on, you are not a 3-yr-old Chinese kid who doesn't know his future. I am pretty sure that you clearly know, if nothing else, the several following steps you are gonna take which can lead you to success. This is a game and tons of thousands of players are in it. You need to be very cautious about the mistakes you made, and learn as much as possible from them.
However, there are many things that you can't control. If you lose a fight, just forget about it, move on to another game. Keep working, don't think too much about the bad outputs you have. Be result-driven, and be upbeat and optimistic about your future. All you can do is all you can do. Some tricky parts needs to be figured out, but it surely takes time to learn more about the system.
You got to be more pro-active in the sense of fooling around and grabbing something different from other people. You have to adjust yourself in this fast-pace mult-variant environments. Your way of thinking needs to be improved as well, as you need to put yourself in others' shoes and reverse back to dwell on their thoughts. Besides, you really need to feel confident about yourself. Be determined and try to make decisions faster. Nothing is guaranteed, so you need to allow yourself to project something wrong.
Remember, at last, that you want to make a difference. You are not willing to do something really trivial. That's why you are here, and that's why you need to be a better you. All the opportunities are in front of you, just watch carefully, and catch them.
Best of luck,
Jiaqi August 18 纽约 - 夜光最近好忙总要凌晨才能从office出来，半夜4点的曼哈顿，感觉没有早上rush hour的喧嚣，一个人在街上漫步，听着喜欢的歌，然后向WTC慢慢走...一步一步，感觉好艰辛无奈~
然而我有我的原则，我有我的信念，就算别人都不屑一顾，我亦会百般珍惜......一个世界，一样的苦难．如果我能有力，也许非洲可以少几个难民儿童，中国的环境污染可以好一点点．其实很多时候我都觉得，把整个地球装在心里，也并不是很空洞的一句戏言．因为真实的苦和绝望，就在我身边徘徊．所以我并不孤单，因为还有那么多那么多的梦啊，都没有破灭．就去追逐，不去理睬别人的评价也好．
华尔街真是我很适合的地方，我能全力去付出，也会感到充实...纵然太多不愉快，还是有那么多帮助我的人和我要帮助的人，还有Lucy, weiwei这样可以去结识的朋友，我想阳光是会最终洒下来，让我高兴些许．
还有上周末和Ji-Hoon去Madison Square Garden呢,去看Bourne 3...我都好喜欢，虽然时间好短暂，但是我会记住......明天的明天，他们就会是superstar吧~~~
We were letting go something special ~ 没有结束，不能重复～
- Lawrence June 24 songs with me (canzoni con me)I cannot believe, if there is no music in my life, what should I do? Surely the glory is goona fade, and I will die~~~
Recall the past several years, every song I love represents a certain phase of mine, my emotional awareness, my struggling for the future, my happiness, and my multiple feelings regarding people around me......
That does make sense, just for myself, if I can write them down, and hopefully, I will still recall the original feelings, after many years~~~
很小的时候，可能6-7岁吧，走在大街上，会被雨生的歌感染~~~一直难忘那种清澈见底的声音......<我的未来不是梦>,<一天到晚游泳的鱼>,一种发自内心的爱，呵呵~~~1999年的时候很喜欢<伤心1999>,世纪末的魔术师，带来无限精彩~~~新千年伊始，迎来我的高中生活，<过火>，<爱的代价>一直相伴左右......温馨夜话中，高阳让我懂得了很多~~<我愿意>,<花火>,<纸飞机的叠法>,<蒙娜丽莎的眼泪>,<懂事>......记得那时候躺在床上,放得最多的Celine的that's the way it is~~~保送以后的五一，山西小城中，还是悠悠蔡琴~ <你的眼神>,还有邓丽君印在历史上的美丽~~~
清华园的生活，好像就在眼前一样~~~<守着阳光守着你>陪我完成跳级转换,<It's not goodbye>,<旋木>留在了备考GRE的日子~~~<我想我是海>,<那么爱你为什么>,<even the nights are better>,<那女孩对我说><栀子花开>,<the day you went away & 第一次爱的人>和我一起度过了在清华的最后一个学期~~~还有05年暑假在老馆自习的日子：）
加州阳光之下<every time>,<unbreak my heart>,<有心人>,<听残酷青春>,另一种感动~~~打开蓝色大门，我的<小步舞曲>,独自旋怀的伤感,还有未知的未来~~~
<rising run> is there, and we will let it be, in this think of love~~~and I believe, that's the way it is:)
纯洁的心，是<星之金币>的感悟，<碧绿色的兔子>，一直我会记得~~~time after time~花舞う街で~,我们笑对明天~~~I WiSH 明日への扉 ^-^
- Lawrence Jin
June 19 l'amore viene dalla parte internaI got a new iPod mp3 last Sunday^-^ Staring at the the colorful world through window, I can enjoy the new lifestyle at California. Hollywood is a great place, and lots of ABC study and work here~~~
Now I get started to fall in love with Italian and French, and Laura Pausini impressed me quite a bit~~~~~~
It's just a matter of time I am sure, so want to try as hard as you can, to put my broken heart together again~~~I will be right here, remebering when......so blue, but strong^-^
I did lots of excel analysis today, and when I came back to California Institute of Technology, I went to China express and had a good dinner^-^ repeat to do the same thing everyday, but still hope that tomorrow will be different, maybe someone is waiting for me there, and will give me a incredible wonder~~~
Got to believe this time that love comes from the inside
- Lawrence Jin
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Ricerca del mio controllo di auto, In un mondo che non ha ottenuto anima, Quando io venga a casa~~~Alcuni dicono che sono una pietra di rolling, Portando qualcun'altro copre......Quando andrò a casa^-^
Nuvoloso e murky è la mia visione, Non lo aiuterete a girare il angolo? 'causa sono il perso e trovato~~~Selo levi in piedi in su e che mostri che trasporterete, Potreste aiuto eliminare la mia coscienza? 'causa desidero il gusto il vino :)
Credete che l'amore venga dalla parte interna? Ha ottenuto credere questo volta che l'amore venisse dalla parte interna~
Well someday love is gonna lead you back to me, but'til it does I'll have an empty heart~
------------------------------------------------------------------------- May 21 잠시 스쳐가는 인연이길 바랬어CaliforniaTech Commencement 2006 is coming......this is the fourth year of mine after high school and finally..... I get my master in Electrical Engineering......
Time is flying, and lots of things pass by without showing up to me~ sometimes I am so innocent and naive, and I believe immortality is just around, kinda:) I am dreaming to be there for the enless love, but once again got the loveless result~ sounds ironic, but that's the case at present and in the future:)
Fate by Rain......go with me to the heaven, and there is one day, one day that I will fly and play around with the angel, and cross my fingers to pray for others~
잠시 스쳐가는 인연이길 바랬어 아픈 상처만 내게 남겨질테니까 하지만 알면서도
双手狂敲键盘，哼着这首命运，向明天诉说，然后谱写我的未来，并不在意，别人会怎么看我，因为我只为自己而活。yep, that's me again~
- Lawrence
May 06 different people - different waysSometimes I don't believe this, since I once thought my way was the best, the most efficient, and the most challenging one~however, that's not always true......
Now I am grown up, and try to understand the diversities of the colorful world. Some guys just feel satisfied about playing and kiddings, having fun all the day and night, but don't pay attention to the career, the entrepreneur, and their future.....or maybe only think about it once in a year or something like that......well, now I get used to this sort of people, and try to say: it's okay~
Nevertheless, the elite of the world is quite different......people are devoted to their work and study, fascinated with lots of novel things and cannot wait to learn them, and they are seeking endless possibilities by independent thinking - ambitious but friendly, aggressive but supportive - that's unbelievable, but......they do!
Hope it is one day that I can be that kind of people, and based on what I did at Tsinghua and Caltech, I believe that's what I can achieve sooner or later - thanks for all of you who are supporting me, making me feel not alone, and we are courageous to deal with those sophisticated cases, and figure out a way by ourselves.
All glory is fleeting, but there are lots of memorable, terrific and brilliant moments, forever~trust me and go with me - we are together all the time:) cheer up!
When those who are soooo important for me in a certain period of my life turn to be......forgettable, I will still smile and go on walking along the road, although somewhat I feel sad about losing them......
-Lawrence Jiaqi Jin April 08 Santa Monica - 天使的微笑今天去了Santa Monica的海滩，下午2:00开车去的，从110到了LA Downtown就开始堵车，走到10号路上也是速度很慢很慢，可能是今天天气特别好，大家都出来看海吧，呵呵~
离开家的时候忘了带相机，一路上都很郁闷！路过Downtown的时候我仔细看了一下，觉得有些楼好破的样子，有些还不错......到了Santa Monica之后看到很多大街，California, Colorado, Washington...Wilshire 旁边的First Federal Bank很气派，还有dimensional那家店很不错^-^
在海边也没有干什么啦，只是租了rollerblades顺着沙滩边的自行车道滑了一个小时，累啊！之后又走到海边看了看浪花，大海的另一头就是中国拉，哈哈~很多美国小孩子在玩活埋别人的游戏，还有游泳的，打网球的。路边的鸽子很土气，也很懒，基本不带飞的......I just smile, but say nothing and stay still~
回来的路上车里放的是Celine Dion的法语专辑......pour que tu m'aimes encore，很老的歌了，上次听的时候是初二时候躺在床上~些许的感动，一阵无奈~哎，已经回到Caltech了~又该读书了。
- Lawrence
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我错了，希望月亮带给你安慰；你说你要的不是这种光辉
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pour que tu m'aimes encore 听到无语~ EverthingI am paying attention to everything around me, that's really time-consuming.
Actually you are in my very soul, although you don't know that, hehe~ Believe me, I will be with you all my life - the world is changing~time is flying, and we are getting older and older, but there is still immortality:)
Lots of things are there for me to handle down, but even so, I still hope I can spend lots of time with my close friends, as long as it is appropriate for me to be there. The right place, right mood, and you, the right person~
Smiles there,
Lawrence
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We were letting go of something special,
Something we will never have again,
I know, I guess I really really know
Why do we never know what we have got till it's gone?
How could I carry on, the day you went away......
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March 09 放手 - 起程突然发现很多努力都是徒劳，分散我不少精力。今天终于想明白，决定放手。
朗朗乾坤，我始终是那个self-centered的我，听到雨生的歌，心中的感慨还在，而且经过清华三年的磨练，我比以前更加自信，即使遇到不可逾越的苦难，我都会笑着向前，直到得到我想要的。什么岁月会把人的棱角磨平，这种鬼话我才不信呢，只是无能的人给自己找的借口而已，哼哼:)虽然加州理工和国内的情况有所不同，但是对我而言，结果都是一样的。
I believe，只要我在失败的时候能够有站起来的勇气，成功就最终会陪伴我。那些无聊的宿命论，对我是不适合的。想正是：海阔凭鱼跃，天高任鸟飞。关键是到底选择去跳跃，还是无动于衷的沉到海底。我想就算有一天我老到走不动了，我依然会去选择前者，因为这种东西已经融入血液，无法改变。
多年以后，我依然会微笑，无论对谁，都没有自卑。笑笑，我们已经站在世界上最好的educational institute/univ.相信你以后会更加出色，qingfengteng，你是我的好榜样^-^，zhuzhouyuan，natalia，你们也加油~Cheer up:)
-Lawrence February 21 Heal the WorldThings turn to be tougher these days~ lots of accidents are coming up.
I just keep smiling, when I really feel painful. Whatever, whenever and however, I still believe I will keep going on, and future in still in my hand......
Good luck goes with me, since deep in my heart, I love all the people around if they are virtuous. Hope there are always ways to get there ~ the better place for you and for me and the entire human race:)
-Lawrence Jin January 14 偏执的我我的偏执，也许接触过的人都有感受。
有时候，明明知道不可能但是我却偏要去做，最后成功固然欣喜，但是也有很多时候是无果而终；
有时候，原本需要改变的东西我却一直坚持，将自己至于围城之中，不问世间冷暖如何；
有时候，别人认为我是幸运的，因为从以前的轨迹来看，似乎没有过特别大的失误；
有时候，别人认为我是可悲的，因为我的标准总是这么的离奇而不被care；
有时候，看到周围优秀的人们我会投以钦佩的眼光，真心的希望他们能够走得很好；
有时候，我又会觉得很失落，为什么不能像别人那样表现得出色；
......
在矛盾复杂的心情中，我一直苦苦挣扎，过着紧凑但是单一的生活。当可悲到察觉不到自己可悲的时候，突然间我会发现，那么多事情，自己已经无力改变......
最近想要静下来做好眼前的事情，心中的那些梦想，一直都没有泯灭，好像手上的风筝，就算离得再远，也始终会有一线相连。
-Lawrence Jin
December 21 念珠 · 散阿赖耶识，和文殊心咒，六字真言一起，已经埋藏在我心里很多年了。手上的念珠---这串尼泊尔活佛的赠物，也陪我度过了数个春秋。其间多少磨难，我们都是一起默默见证着...当然这种定论，依旧是有小题大作之嫌，因为也许这些经历，根本称不上一种苦痛，也许这本身就是一种解脱。
心随人去，物竞自有天择，飘落在美国加利福尼亚的一角，我始终在尽力改变自己的很多方面。然而避无可避的是，诸行无常，盛者必衰；无论尝试什么，都难逃零落成泥碾作尘，繁华散尽香如故的结局。
However,就算从大的时间尺度来看，任何事情都没有绝对的意义，我依然希望能够摆脱徒劳伤感的圈子。或许在走向衰亡过程中的向上确实需要勇气，或许死亡并不是一切事情的终结...
格外在意的念珠，曾经在清华散落过一次，害得我彻夜难眠在宿舍寻找丢失的那一颗。当它重新穿起来的时候，光泽丝毫不会减退。形虽散，但心不散。相信双树园下的离去，也一定沉淀着一种永恒的宁静:-)
-Lawrence 05圣诞前夕 December 12 心情-无极这两天看了一系列关于陈凯歌，陈红的专访记录，觉得看到了一种难得的精神，不禁感慨...
来加州理工三个月了，觉得很难找到可以共鸣的人。然而从《无极》的全过程来看，我又感到了这种spirit的存在。一部历时三年，耗资过3亿的巨制，究其根本，到底是想带给我们什么呢？一对夫妇，穷尽青春，四处奔走而乐在其中，将一部电影和整个人生荣誉连到一起，似乎有夸大炒作之嫌。但是细细想来，一切都是那么自然。一个人，既然心中的向往没有边界，追求也就没有止境。所谓期待越高，付出越多，所历的痛苦自然便会难以衡量。但是我能体会，当所有的付出有所回报的时候，那种难以言表的欣慰，将会是一生难忘的财富。一部无极，是将艺歌对决推向高点的标志，也是将陈红从一名演员推到一个电影制片人的机遇，无论它是否能够被人理解和接受，这种尝试的精神已经很值得我学习了:-)
上周五考完final，找清华去年来Caltech的师兄聊到半夜，今天又和师姐谈了很多，总觉得大家都愿意过相对平静的生活，与我的追求很是不同。也许正如长辈所说，生活会把人的锐气慢慢磨平...但是自从进入清华开始，我就一直试图在逃避这个规律，过着不敢简单的生活，虽然为了这种选择注定将要承受更多的苦痛，但是自己始终还是愿意这样一直走，一直走下去^-^
路，总是崎岖的，但是心中的坦荡，会带给我们苦涩中的快乐...祝愿今天《无极》的全球首映能够成功，bless~
October 22 似水流年忆红颜今天终于把以前的照片扫描出来了，blog真是个好东西:-)
弹指之间已经过了好几年，不知道我小学的同学现在都在何处，估计都正在为出国推研或者考研忙碌吧，真的祝愿他们都能够好梦成真。
Caltech 10 weeks/quarter的课程已经接近一半，我决定把9 courses - 73 credits 拿下来，这样也许明年March就可以拿下Master了。想想人的性格真是很难把握，明明是在钢丝间行走，却是浑然不知，已是不顾。不过仔细想来，我在California Institute of Technology的每分每秒，每次挣扎，每次喜悦，都不仅仅代表我个人的得失，而是水木清华的掠影...记得顾秉林校长对我的友善，朱邦芬，吴念乐教授的谆谆教诲，阮东教授的期望，龙桂鲁教授的支持，记得尚老师虽然眼力不济却一丝不苟的给我写推荐信，记得一切的帮助与关怀，理解与思念，于是再多的苦，也会坦然面对，欣然接受。
下一个桥头，我们依然自信；厚德载物，自强不息。
Lawrence J. Jin - SFL at Caltech October 16 lonely but happy这么多年一步步走来，渐渐习惯了享受孤独的自由。 现在从早到晚坐在Caltech SFL Library那个属于我的固定座位上面，心就像平静的大海，没有一丝风浪。 也许这样的日子会持续一段时间，但是我明白，最终的我，是一定会在愈加激烈的竞争中，不断突破自我的。 今天花了很多时间来读Su Alyce Yaoying的Ph.D Thesis,总觉得她的文章不觉流露出很多独特的性格，即使是pure science也是如此...真的希望能够有更多的人会像Alyce Su那样敢于追求自己的梦想，而不是过分的在意别人的评价。 记得前段时间在清华水木BBS上我的那篇<跳级在清华---我的飞跃之旅>，曾经引起不少评论。一直以为自己可以借这个机会从别人的角度来审视自己，进而有所完善。但是到头来还是因为一些恶言而大为光火。也许是自己对人生的领悟还在low-level上面吧。 真的希望拿下Caltech EE Ph.D之后，自己也能够像在清华时那样，在疲惫的间隙感到些许的欣慰。Let's go and see---一切才刚刚开始，我们都只是在路上。 一直很欣赏阿杜的 'Andy', 总能够感到那种久违的spirit,不凡的情怀。 Andy---阿杜 你有多久没有看过那片海 你到现在对自己究竟多明白 总是不服输 永远要比别人快 在你前方是否有你要的未来 想到我们的过去 都让人感慨 希望所有好朋友都能站起来 还有你曾经 疯狂爱上的女孩 再过几年是不是依旧难以忘怀 可是Andy~活着是不须道理 谁都可能 暂时的失去勇气 外面不安的世界 骚动的心情 我们熄灭曾经你拥有炽热的心 我是真的不会表达我的爱 却很在乎每个人对我的期待 苦烦的叫声 站在小巷的舞台 我有那么勇敢地说出来 ...... September 16 跳级在清华---我的飞跃之旅这是我离开清华的时候在newsmth上面发的一篇帖子...当时在BBS十大上面被讨论了2天，也受到不少人强烈地攻击~Anyway,仍然把它收录在这个blog里面，算是对我清华三年生活的纪念:-)
一直在水木潜水，本来想就这样地离开。但是最后想想，还是决定把自己的经历大概写下来，如果能够对今后飞跃的同学有一点点帮助，起到抛砖引玉的作用，也就算心满意足了。 |
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